The realization towards progression

My son and I love bananas…unfortunately we love bananas more than we eat them sometimes. It's never a consistent quantity of bananas. Some weeks we each eat 1 banana every day, other weeks one of us eats 1 banana the whole week and that's it. So, as you can imagine, we never seem to be able to buy the right amount of bananas for the week. This had just been one of those weeks that ended with too many left over browning bananas. That's ok though, because banana bread! Right?! Yes! My miniature aspiring chef was excited, as was I.

Fast forward to the banana bread being done. First day of banana bread and I find myself reaching in for the third slice… the fourth slice….

I begin to self-talk back and forth in my head,

"Ooo yum!"

"God, I really need to get this self-control thing down! This fucking out of control."

"Awe, don't be so hard on yourself, it's tasty. We are working on this, but it takes time."

"I'm a disgusting pig that just can't help herself."

"I'm going to die way too young from this bullshit."

… the guilt has taken hold; the fear seeping in…

Thankfully, I was aware of this self-talk and started thinking about how terrible it would sound if that's how I talked to the kids. Then I realized that, sometimes I do find myself getting pretty negative when talking to or with them.

Well shit! I don't like the way it sounds, I don't like the way it makes me feel, and I don’t like the idea of it being a habitual way I communicate with others, especially my children of all people!

This was an eye-opening moment of "Hey, the talk I use in my head, seems to be the same talk I use on my kids or in my worst moments. Let's work on changing the way I talk to myself and see if that doesn't domino effect into these areas of my life also…."

So, I'm starting my parenthood journey with self-love first. Teaching myself the things I need to know, in front of my kids but not necessarily to them. Let them see what it looks like for me to work on myself, and they can see what it looks like for them to do the same for themselves. If I'm demanding of or instructing them, then it's only modeling "teaching" or being bossing towards someone else, not towards themselves. When they model me they are only copying what they are seeing me do. If I'm only doing for others and never myself, they are going to never really know what it looks like to do for oneself.

My best parenting advice is going to be work on yourself and love yourself and build yourself into an empire and do it all in front of them!

On display!

Not telling them nothing, not making them do it too.

Just doing me for me. I don't need to explain the love and relationship I have with myself, though I will when they ask, show interest or seem to need a bit of a pep talk. As I openly practice loving myself and caring for myself in front of my children, they will naturally model my behavior and learn how to love themselves as a result!

My goal, in parenthood, is to succeed beyond limitations and barriers in loving myself. Giving my children the best example of how they can love themselves and grow their personal relationship into something so amazing it could never be knocked down. A kingdom of safety and self-love that they can rest within, knowing that they are enough for the one person who truly matters the most.

Themselves.